Some of you may think I am a 'nutcase' and living in a 'la la land'. Some of you may think I am a 'coward' as I am running away from the problems or issues instead of facing them upfront. Maybe, I am a bit of both. But, sometimes I just want to run away or escape. I want to be free and spontaneous. I want to be free from thinking of my PhD, work, money etc. Of all these issues, I definitely want to be 'free' from my PhD.
I have been doing my PhD for a while now (don't ask, won't tell). In late March, I thought I was nearly close to complete and submit my PhD. Out of the blue, my supervisor gave me a new conceptual model to analyse, and major revisions on my results and literature review chapters. Do not get me wrong. I am not objecting to these major changes. I am sure she just wanted to make sure that I produced a high-quality thesis. But, why the last-minute notice? Did she realise the adverse, both mental and emotional, impact on me? Yes, I nearly went mental as well. I felt so de-motivated and upset. I acknowledge that I may not be as smart as her. But, I do work hard and learn fast.
If you wonder whether I have given up on my PhD, no, I have not. I am still working on it. I have managed to get an extension to complete my PhD, but it came with a 'cost' (again, don't ask, won't tell). I am feeling more positive now. I realise it is part of the learning process. Sometimes, life does get you down, but, you just have to get up and keep fighting. It is a bit like that song by Cheryl Cole, 'Fight for this Love'. Instead, I will 'Fight for this PhD'. If I were to produce a single like this, without a doubt, it will triumph in the UK Top 40 in no time. It is likely most of the buyers will be PhD students. More fantasies of mine. Anyway, it is time for me to fly away...
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